On:
In: Chronic Pain

Most of today has been spent packing and sorting. This Saturday, I’ll be moving into my home for the next nine months, located in north-central Indiana. Though I am looking forward to college, I’m also a bit hesitant because there are so many unknowns that lay ahead. In spite of my CRPS, I’m pressing on and not only continuing college, but undertaking the challenging major of nursing. Science has always been my favorite subject (well, in addition to art) and I was completely fascinated by my Biology and Human Anatomy classes last year. The personal experiences I’ve had with the medical profession began to makeRead More →

On:
In: Chronic Pain, Cooking

For some bizarre reason, I planted twenty pepper plants – twenty! Last week, I decided to pickle some of my pepper crop. While happily attempting to say that silly tongue twister about Peter Piper’s pickled peppers, I carefully began to de-stem, de-seed, and slice my pretty crop of purple, white, and green peppers. Finally I was down to one last pepper – the jalapeno. I’d worked with jalapenos before, and they hadn’t burned my hands, so I was quite confident that I’d be fine. I sliced the stem off the top of Mr. Jalapeno and the burning oils instantly burned my nostrils. Now, you’d thinkRead More →

On:
In: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Mental Health
Tagged: , ,

One thing that I’ve been questioning recently is how God could have allowed all this pain to happen to me when so many people were praying for my surgery to go well and cure the pain.  A few days ago, God revealed a comforting analogy to me through nature that helped me understand a little bit of why. Some days, the sun is hidden by many clouds.  Sometimes the rain pounds the earth, while thunder shakes the earth and lightning streaks across the sky.  This is not what we expected, not what we wanted, yet God remains in control.  The rain that drenches the groundRead More →

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In: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain
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For the first time in a long time, I am doing nothing, not because I have to but because I can. Sure, I have a few things I could be doing, but they aren’t urgent and can wait. It seems bizarre that if something I want to do pops into my head, I have the energy to hop up and do it. It almost seems foolish to waste my energy on doing nothing, but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. So, why don’t I have anything to do? Because my final papers are in, my final exams are over, and my year ofRead More →

On:
In: Chronic Pain

Has it really been a whole month since I last posted? It hardly seems that long, yet in some ways it seems like even longer. On April 16, I went to the hospital for an outpatient placement of an epidural line in my upper back. For three weeks, I would “enjoy” the blessings of a continuous epidural infusion of two medications made to scramble pain signals. I know this is a little confusing, but here is the information I’ve collected about them… What is a continuous epidural infusion?Just as an epidural is given to pregnant women during childbirth, it can also be used in theRead More →

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In: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain
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In reflection over my last post, I’ve realized that I failed to mention another huge part of the realization my lack of participation in worship made me realize. God is worthy and I cannot give Him what He deserves. It doesn’t matter if you have one working arm or a hundred, as humans we simply cannot give Him what He deserves. It isn’t something I am lacking solely because I cannot worship with the accompaniment of bass sounding music, but something we as a human race, as all creation, lacks. Sure we can sing Him pretty songs, help others, or even lead others to Him,Read More →

On:
In: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain
Tagged: ,

During worship this morning, I stood gritting my teeth and holding back tears, desperately clutching my arm to my body in an attempt to protect it from the low bass sound waves ricocheted around my body. For some reason, my arm responds to low sound waves the same way your arm might if it was placed in a pair of vice grips, then tightened. As painful as it was, it wasn’t the pain that finally caused the tears to roll down my face. “How can I say thanks For the things You have done for me, Things so undeserved, Yet You gave to prove YourRead More →

On:
In: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain

I have felt like my life has gone no where recently. My spiritual life seems the same. My arm is showing no instantaneous improvements. I was starting to struggle with these ideas when God gave me a huge reminder. In the United States 100 pennies are equal to $1. In countries where we still use the evil English system, there are 5,280 feet in a mile. At the same time, it is a lot easier to save one penny than to make a dollar. And everyone knows it is easier to take a 1 foot-long step than a mile-long step. Likewise, it is easier toRead More →

On:
In: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain

This post was written when my blog was called Out of the Flames So, why the title of this blog? I wanted a title that portrayed a little of my story, who I am, in spite of the pain I’m in currently. Because CRPS pain is so often described as a burning pain (and I would agree, my arm often burns), I thought of a Phoenix who rises out of the flames. In spite of devastating events that threaten to burn my life into ashes, even when the doctor diagnoses me with a condition that destroys my life like an inferno destroys a house, orRead More →

On:
In: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain
Tagged: ,

The purpose of this blog isn’t for me to complain, but to comment on my life with a chronic pain syndrome, which of course includes pain. Even though pain is a part of my everyday life, it isn’t always the thing that most affects my life. Sometimes the emotional struggles are just as difficult as the physical ones. I realized the other day that I had not used my left arm normally in more than six months. I have not folded my own clothes, zipped a Ziploc bag, or clapped my hands in half of a year. I remember being insisting that people know myRead More →