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Today is just one of those days where you wake up and realize that not too much is going to happen because you just don’t have the energy. Last night, I had a friend spend the night and probably stayed up too late, but changing my meds probably doesn’t help much, I don’t think either. Mom mentioned something this morning about my goals for the day which had been to work on a workbook and reformat my hard drive. I hadn’t done either, but started to list what I had done: got out of bed, got dressed, laid on the couch, slid off onto theRead More →

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I’ve not been around much, and I suppose there are excuses for it, but I’m not going to go into them in depth here (maybe later). This post is to talk about this crazy holiday we are celebrating. Recently, I’ve become rather anti-Christmas. The last few years, it was mostly just the commercialism of Christmas – trees, presents, decorations, that sort of thing. This year, whether it is because of my depression or because of my pain or because of my relationship with God, I have become anti-Christmas to the point that most manger scenes annoy me. When people talk about the real reason forRead More →

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Exactly one year ago today, I was studying for my biology class, just like any other day. I stood up, and in doing so, my life changed. Isn’t it amazing that life can change in a split second? I had no idea that the numbness and tingling I felt would last so long, or become what it has today. Certainly I had no clue that the past year would have changed me so much. Yet it has. Looking back, the change is interesting. Obviously, I’ve changed physically, but it is more than that. I’ve changed my area of study from graphic design to nursing (thoughRead More →

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“He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead…in this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.” 1 Peter 1:3 and 6 In our growth group, we are reading through 1 Peter and that stood out to me. We all have trials and grief, but even through all of our suffering, we can still hold hope because He has given us HOPE. It is that hope that gets us through the long days (and nights) and through the long trials. WeRead More →

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I found the following article at a great web site called Rest Ministries and it really touched my heart and explained a little how I feel. I want to post more, but I’m very tired right now. Hopefully I can give an update soon! “Too Young” by Carolynn Cheatham “You’re too young to have this.”“OK, then fix it, please.”“We don’t know how.”The common and frequent questions:How did you develop a nerve problem?Were you in an accident? The answers, always the same:I don’t know. The doctors can’t figure it out.No accident, I just woke up with it.There’s nothing they can do. The usual response:Oh honey, IRead More →

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Nearly 1 in 2 people in America struggle with a chronic illness, yet about 96% of these illnesses are invisible. Words like Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, and Multiple Sclerosis have become common household words, but what about the millions who struggle with chronic illnesses like Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or Lupus? Have you heard of those? I’m one of the millions who struggle with pain and illness every second of my life, yet it can rarely be seen. Invisible Illness Week is the week of September 14 through the 18 and the web site Invisible Illness Week has an online conference during that weekRead More →

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One thing that I’ve been questioning recently is how God could have allowed all this pain to happen to me when so many people were praying for my surgery to go well and cure the pain.  A few days ago, God revealed a comforting analogy to me through nature that helped me understand a little bit of why. Some days, the sun is hidden by many clouds.  Sometimes the rain pounds the earth, while thunder shakes the earth and lightning streaks across the sky.  This is not what we expected, not what we wanted, yet God remains in control.  The rain that drenches the groundRead More →

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For the first time in a long time, I am doing nothing, not because I have to but because I can. Sure, I have a few things I could be doing, but they aren’t urgent and can wait. It seems bizarre that if something I want to do pops into my head, I have the energy to hop up and do it. It almost seems foolish to waste my energy on doing nothing, but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. So, why don’t I have anything to do? Because my final papers are in, my final exams are over, and my year ofRead More →

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A serious commitment is something that should not be taken lightly, but this past year, I have grown closer and closer to my Savior and I wanted to demonstrate the new commitment I have to Him in a visible way. “But if your servant says to you ‘I do not want to leave you,’ because he loves you…then take an awe and push it through his earlobe, into the door , and he will become your servant for life.” Deuteronomy 15:16 2,000 years ago, the Son of God endured terrible pain to pay the price to free me. Though I am released and free toRead More →

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“God has a way of taking us through hard times and difficult seasons, wiping our tears, and then bringing back to us in an even greater way the things that we thought were lost to us forever.”- Roy Lessin Wow, how true those words are in my life right now. Everything in my life was stripped away – my ability to use my hands for arts and crafts, computers, and even animals, my ability to study and do well in class, and my ability to be a care-free college student, taking advantage of every opportunity to have fun. It even, in a strange way, tookRead More →